Is Baptism a religion? No, that is like saying that taking a bath is religion. Of course, there are fundamentalist Christians who would say that "Baptism is a sacred Christian practice," but those of us who are more educated/elite know this to be false. Baptism is universal. Anyone, regardless of religion or no religion, can practice Baptism.

What is a typical Baptism class? First, you want to make sure that your teacher is a Certified Baptism Teacher. Of course, come to class with a towel and a bathing suit, though there are Nude Baptism classes. There are even Baptism classes for your dog! If you are a beginner to Baptism, you may also like to bring a pair of nose plugs to class. There is actually a whole line of Baptism products available from (sexy) bathing attire to masks and various flotation devices. Also many Baptism classes are held out of doors, so you will want to bring your sunscreen and perhaps a hat.

Can Baptism Teachers date? Of course, Baptism Teachers do not have to follow the outdated customs of marriage and monogamous relationships.

Baptism is gaining in popularity. There are Baptism classes in hospitals, community centers, gyms and countless Baptism Studios. The Baptism Alliance offers authentic training for the Baptism Teacher. There are also seminars in the Business of Baptism. After all the time you put into becoming a Baptism Teacher, you want to be well paid. A typical group fee is $15 and private classes can run up to fifty or even a hundred dollars an hour. If you become a highly recognized (celebrity) Baptism Teacher, you can, of course, expect to be handsomely compensated. Baptism even has its own publications, "Baptism Journal" and "Baptism International." The following is a typical invitation from the "Baptism Community:"

Announcing a new Universal Baptism Studio by Certified Baptism Teacher, Vishnu Sivadas. Join us for an intense underwater therapy workout followed by Communion in which we taste fine wines from around the globe. Contact the studio for schedule and pricing. We also offer a 200 hour teacher training in both Baptism and Communion. Call: 1-800-H2O-WINE.

If the above is not enough to wake all the phony "yogis/yoginis" to get an idea of how ignorant and insulting the popular but misguided definitions of (Hatha) Yoga are, the following may be of some help. Actually a phony "yoga studio" published basically the following with, of course, the word "yoga" instead of "Baptism."

Baptism increases flexibility. Baptism effects all parts of your body; relaxing, toning the skin and loosening the joints.

Baptism effects the internal organs in a way the perhaps nothing else can.

Gentle Baptism stimulates blood flow and flushes unwanted toxins out of the system.

Naturally you do not want to practice Baptism on a full stomach, so early morning is best--leaving you feeling refreshed throughout the day. Group Baptism classes $15 are held daily. Please bring your bathing suit.

As any educated individual could see, what the phony "yogis" are doing is holding stretching exercises under the mis-label "yoga." The phony "yoga teachers" range from those who are simply being led around and refusing to take the time to consider their actions, to the egomaniacs. Simply consider being a Hindu and on the receiving end of this "yoga" non-sense. Imagine calling up a Christian Pastor or Priest and inquiring about Baptism classes with the above perverted view. The Pastor or Priest would be dumb-founded, at best, and perhaps offer one an earful of correction. Imagine the gall when the Pastor or Priest is informed that it is they who do not know what is Baptism! Regularly those who have a totally twisted view of Yoga contact Hindu/Yoga teachers asking for this phony "yoga." When confronted with the true facts about Yoga, the reply is often that the Hindu is the one who does not know what is "yoga." "I have taken 'yoga' for years and it has nothing to do with religion and certainly not Hinduism!"

YOGA FACTS

yoga n. [Sanskrit lit. union] Hinduism ... [From Webster’s]

yoga: oneness of Atman and Brahman. [From: A Dictionary of Sanskrit Names] This is the true definition of the Sanskrit word "yoga."

atman n. (Skr. atman breath, self) Hinduism ... [From Webster’s]

Brahman. Hindu Religion ... [From Webster’s]

Yoga (yo’ga) (Skt.,=union) general term for spiritual disciplines in Hinduism ... [From Columbia Encyclopedia Sixth Edition 2000]

Yoga: a Hindu system ... [The Oxford American Dictionary]

Yoga: a system of Hindu religious philosophy ... [Thorndike Barnhardt Comprehensive Desk Dictionary]

Yoga: a Hindu discipline ... [The American Heritage Dictionary]

The Yoga System: One of the Six Acceptable Systems of Hindu Philosophy [From a secular book on comparative religions: Religions of Man Macmillan Co., 1969, 202-203.]

The first recorded evidence of the word "yoga" is found in the Vedas: "Seers of the vast illumined Seer yogically control their minds and intelligence." Rig Veda V.81.

Ve’da n. (Skr. knowledge, sacred lore.) The most ancient sacred literature of the Hindus. [From: Webster]

"Hinduism speaks of many different methods or paths to reach God. Of them four are considered major paths: (1) Bhakti Yoga--the path of devotion, (2) Jnana Yoga--the path of rational inquiry, (3) Raja Yoga--the path of mental concentration, and (4) Karma Yoga--the path of right action." (Bhaskarananda, Swami, The Essentials of Hinduism, Washington, Viveka Press, 1994, 115.)

Hatha Yoga is, of course, no exception to the indisputable fact of the Yoga/Hindu connection. Many of the postures are worshipful poses (asanas) only to the Hindu Deities such as: Matsyendrasana, Krounchasana, Surya Namaskar and Hanumanasana dedicated to the Hindu Spiritual Beings Siva, Muruga, Vishnu and Hanuman, respectively.

The popular Aum chant is fully described in the Hindu scriptures and is synonymous with the Hindu Deity Ganesha.

In an effort to instill common sense and respect for the specific spiritual practices of the many great religions of the world, it is a fact that there is not one mention of the word "yoga" in the Torah, Bible or Koran. Of course, all aspects of Yoga are fully detailed in the numerous Hindu scriptures and taught within Hindu Temples and organizations by qualified teachers.

The historical, extremist terrorism against Hindus/Hinduism is well documented. Unfortunately these incursions (in various forms) are as alive today as they were 2,000 years ago.

Since all of Yoga is Hinduism, it is only common sense and a sign of respect that the genuine teacher of any aspect of yoga be a qualified Hindu (Buddhists, Jains and Sikhs, sects of Hinduism, may also ethically teach). Also since all of Yoga is about the spiritual/religious teachings and practices of the Hindu religion, it is highly unethical to charge money for any form of Yoga service. No religion charges money for its basic religious/spiritual services.

300 ~ Alexander the Greek invades North India.

450 ~ Hephtalite (Chinese) invade North India.

565 ~ Turks and Persians invade North India.

712 ~ Muslim invasions into India begin.

1017 ~ Muslims take over Mathura (reported birthplace of Krishna) and build a Mosque.

1024 ~ Muslims kill 50,000 Hindus at Somanath Siva Temple and build a Mosque.

1185 ~ Muslims conquer the Punjab & Lahore.

1193 ~ Muslims conquer Delhi.

1200 ~ By this time, Muslims have taken over the whole of North India destroying at least 60,000 Hindu Temples and erecting approx. 3,000 Mosques.

1296 ~ Muslim invaders move into South India.

1300 ~ By this time, Muslim invaders have conquered all the way to the tip of South India (Cape Comorin) and build a Mosque.

1510 ~ Portuguese Catholics invade Goa (SW India).

1528 ~ Muslims destroy Lord Rama's birthplace at Ayodhya and erect a shrine (Masjid).

1619 ~ Catholic Christians invade Jaffna in Sri Lanka and destroy many Hindu Temples.

1761 ~ 200,000 Hindus are killed by Afghan Muslim extremists.

1764 ~ The British (under the Anglican Church) invade India defeating Muslims in Bengal.

1803 ~ British capture Delhi and subsequently take control of all India.

1837-1917 ~ British institute a form of slavery in the indentured servant system where Hindus were sent to do manual labor in the British colonies.

1906 ~ Dutch Christians invade and kill many Hindus in Bali.

1947 ~ India finally gains independence from its British/Christian masters though Christian missionaries still actively seek to convert Hindus in India and around the world.

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circa 1960's ~ So-called "yoga" (divorced from its Hindu roots and taken out of its classic context of the many, progressive forms of yoga) is made popular in the Western world.

2000 ~ By this time, so-called "yoga" becomes a mainstream "American exercise business." Spurious "certifications" are sold and "Yoga personalities" emerge (complete with sexual and financial scandals). Hindus teaching and practicing yoga are suppressed (and often ridiculed) by the media and those in the (often lucrative) "yoga business."

Finally, for those compassionate individuals who wish to learn about Hinduism and its progressive Yoga teachings and practices, the following guidelines are offered:

How do you know if you have found true Yoga?

1. The teacher will be a qualified Hindu.

2. The teacher will inform you of the many aspects of Yoga; i.e.., Karma, Bhakti, Raja, Hatha and Jnana, to name a few.

3. The teacher will not charge money but may accept donations.

These are the absolutely necessary basics along with, of course, being ethical and virtuous.

How do you know if you have stumbled into a false teacher of the many aspects of Yoga?

1. They will not be a Hindu but may [falsely] claim to be a "certified teacher."

2. They will often misuse the word "yoga" to often simply mean an exercise.

3. They will, most often, charge money.

It is quite easy to identify the unethical teachers: Picture, Personality and Price Tag. These characteristics are the roots of potentially dangerous cults.

Do your homework, be informed, and you can avoid the scam that is "modern yoga."

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